03. Festival of Lights (Part 3)
Intro Kaitlin first recites us the outstanding poem pictured above, and then regales us with the thrilling story of how Berger-Jerger got her name. One time when Kaitlin was playing the very popular video game Dragon Age: Origins, she made a character called Lil' Squats McGee. Lil' Squats is famous amongst the friend group, according to Kaitlin, for being beautiful and gorgeous, with a face like a movie star. Everybody protests this and Kat likens Lil' Squats to the creature of the Black Lagoon. Regardless, Kaitlin tells us that when she got her Mabari hound in DA: O she named it Burger-Jerger. And ever since then every animal companion she has had in a game or otherwise has carried on the legacy name Burger-Jerger. Sophia tells us that the reason she named Gingie , Gingie, is because Kaitlin always calls ginger ale ginge. Also because Gingie is a cute red wolf, she's ginger, so she's Gingie. Noel chose to name her deer Bae , because it's the deer from Snow Queen by Hans Christian Anderson name. She doesn't care about anyone else's a stupid-ass reason because she has a really good reason. Kaitlin calls her pretentious. The Hexagonal Hallway Sophia begins this episode in full method, wearing a wolf skin and introducing herself as Laika. Kat experiences a brain fart and reverts back to her natural state, on all fours, collapsed onto the ground, and is unable to DM for a brief moment. She regains her human mind and reminds the Guardians that the door on the opposite wall in the pool and orb room has opened. The next room is a hallway about 5 feet wide that turns several times when they walk into it. It is hexagonally shaped and on each section of the wall there is a key hole. The Guardians put the four keys that they have collected into the walls and turn them. They hear something click, but nothing happens. They decide to leave the keys remaining in the walls and go investigate the other rooms that they have not yet entered. The Arena The guardians decide to go back to the arena room. Once again the room is hexagonally shaped, although it's not a hallway, and there are portcullises on each section of the wall. The Guardians walk into the room and - predictably this point - the doors close and lock behind them. The Direrats The Guardians continue on into the center of the room and two of the portcullises open, each releasing a fiendish direrat. Kaitlin makes a reference to the Princess Bride and Kat makes them roll for initiative.Noel points out that Sophia might have something to use against the fiendish nature of the direrats, due to her being a paladin. Sophia realises that she does and gets excited. Everyone rolls pretty badly on initiative and one of the rats ends up going first. Noel jokingly inquires about whether or not one of the rats has a bow and eyelashes to show that it's a girl and Kat confirms that actually, they both do. Two lady rats for the lady podcast. No one hits anything until the end of the round at Fran’s turn, however Kaitlin does carry on her practice of using horribly inaccurate verbs to describe how Corbin is attacking something with his spear. When is Fran’s turn, Noel decides to cast Witch Bolt. This begins a thrilling dialogue between Kat and Noel. In which Kat inquires about exactly which type of bolt Noel will be using. After Noel confirms she’ll be using the ‘witches kind’, Fran fries that rat hella good. They have some crispy fried rat. Back at the top of the order, and the remaining rat tries to avenge her fallen friend? Lover? Who knows. But she fails. Sophia proclaims that she's going to stab this rat. Laika stabs her real good and she dies. As soon as the remaining rat kicks it, another portcullis opens. The Lemure What shambles out of it is, to put it mildly, horrifying. It is more or less a pile of flash with eyes and a mouth. This is a lemure (pronounced lem-YOORZ). Corbin immediately starts crying and doesn't manage to hit it. Kaitlin says that Corbin is prone and the lemure finds this very sexy and attacks him. Corbin continues to sob uncontrollably. Immediately afterwards Sophia rolls and natural 20 to hit with Divine Smite and kills it instantly. Fran is so relieved that she bonds and smiles at Laika because she's so happy that Laika killed it. Laika freaks out and starts to cry. Corbin stops crying because he is happy that the lemure is dead, however he is a nerd by the smell of cooked flushing meat from it. Laika takes three points of damage when she decides to nibble on the cops smouldering corpse. The Centipede Once again as soon as the lemure is dead, another portcullis opens. At first nothing happens, but then the Guardians hear a noise that is deeply unsettling, like the sound of a thousand legs crawling. A giant, monstrous centipede emerges from the portcullis door. Corbin gets real hungry. Although Kaitlin rolls a natural 20 to hit, Corbin fails to damage the centipede in any significant way. Kat decides that the centipede is going to go after Laika just because she feels like it. Luckily, Laika is only wounded insignificantly. Throughout this Fran has been struggling not to throw up for several reasons. One because ‘y'all are super gross’ and two, because there is a giant centipede in the room. Frank casts Scorching Ray but misses and Corbin looks at her like she is some kind of idiot. The centipede is real mad at Corbin because he is the one that keeps hurting it badly and attacks him. Corbin drops to 0 hit points. Fran seemingly does not care but Laika casts Lay On Hands and restores him to 14 hit points. As she does this, she touches the boob-window. Soon after, Fran kills the centipede with Witch Bolt. Immediately Corbin runs over, rips one of its legs off and begins to chow down. Fran only barely manages not to throw up. Laika walks over to start and have a bite, but the centipede disintegrates into black smoke, leaving behind another silver key. In addition, both the portcullis that they originally came through and the portcullis to the right of the original are now open. Back to the Mirror Room The Guardians decide to go through the portcullis to the right, but it just leads them back to the room with the pool with the healing water. They take a dip, and decide to put the new key in one of the locks in the octagonal- pentagonal- HEXAGONAL hallway. After establishing that they have gone into all the rooms and the only room they didn't get a key from was the mirror room where Corbin was trapped, the party decides to go back there. When they arrive, they find that the mural is back on the wall and the glass panel on the floor has reset. As soon as Corbin enters the room, he begins to shake with latent rage at the memory of the other bird that he saw that looked just like him. Laika assures him that they'll get the other bird. Sophia says that Laika thinks is perfectly normal because she thinks it's human culture and Laika is all about learning about human culture. Fran pushes on the glass panel and falls into the chute. As it starts to fill with water she gets really excited because she loves water! Corbin laughs and tries to leave, but like with all the other rooms, the door has locked behind them. Laika takes another look at the mural of the Goddess flipping a mirror, except this time instead of a crown stepping on and off it, it is a deer. Fran is loving being in the water and she decides to swim down to the very bottom and have a look. It's pitch black down there... except! Frans still has her rave shirt going! All that is down there, however, is a little hole that the water is coming through. Fran swims back to the top and looks at the mirror and she doesn't get confused because she is not an idiot. Corbin investigates the mural and sees that the step that the deer is taking off the bottom of the mirror is less of a step and more of a drop. So when the deer steps onto the mirror it falls out the bottom. Fran decides to wait the five minutes that it takes for the water to fill up and stands on the mirror upside down. Immediately the glass flips so that she is on the top and a silver key falls out of the mural. Assumedly, Corbin and Laika just stood around for all that time. The party travels back to the hexagonal hallway and put the final key into the wall. The Arrowhawk As soon as the final key is turned, the inside walls of the hallway begins to rumble and fall into the floor. When they are fully collapsed they reveal a room populated by one singular ginormous monster bird. It has six wings and a serrated beak and immediately hits Laika with an electric ray from its mouth. After Kaitlin asks if it looks like a crow Kat reveals that is actually an Arrowhawk. Laika goes first in the initiative and hits the bird with Divine Smite for 24 damage. The bird does not like that one bit and retaliates by hitting her with another electric ray. Fran makes a comment about it being stupid with a 'bird brain' and Corbin is extremely offended by this. Fran casts Poison Spray and kills the bird with a fart. Into the City Commute After the bird is dead, a spiral staircase rises from the center of the room and up into a hole in the ceiling. As they emerge through the front doors of the temple, the Guardians are greeted by the Goddess, her attendants and their remaining mentors. Fran asks who saw her fart-hand and Corbin quips 'Not you're dead mentor!' and both Laika and Fran are suitably appalled. Fran casts Poison Spray again, this time on Corbin, but it has no effect. The Deer attendant that had previously spoken to them steps forward again and tell them that they can now take their place at the Goddess's side. The Goddess waves a little and both Corbin and Laika wave back, but Fran refuses to. As the Guardian arrive at her side, the Goddess takes their hands, and presses a kiss to each of their foreheads. Both Fran and Laika roll to fall in love with the Goddess, Fran does not but Laika undeniably does. Corbin rolls to touch an emotion for once, but fails the check and still has no idea what feelings are but he know they're there and he wants to experience it. Buddy comes up to Laika and tell her good job and Laika 'accidentally' calls him Dad. Demorah gives Corbin a hardy handshake, and although Fran doesn't have a mentor anymore, Bae comes up and gives her a little lick on the face. The Deer attendant once again step forward and tells the Guardians that it is now time for them to join the Goddess in living in the city temple. And they leave. They exit the forest that they have lived in their entire lives. For Laika and Corbin, this is the first time that they have even visited the city at all. The city its self is enormous and beautiful. The buildings are made out of white polished stone and they have blue glass windows. Most of the streets are narrow and the buildings are very tall to accommodate the fact that is over all a very small ground area to build on. There are floating vehicles, carriages and motorcycles, that whizz up and down the streets. There are shops and so many people, more than any that Laika and Corbin have seen in their lives. Laikia tries to sniff peoples butts, but the Wolf attendant gently grabs her by the shoulder to stop her. As the group walk towards the carriages, people stop and stare at the Goddess. The two Deer attendants guide the Goddess towards one of the carriages and the Wolf and Crow take the Guardians to another. The carriages are open top, and through that the Guardians can see the hierarchy of the buildings. Rooftop gardens and parks at the highest point, the mid-level blocks are used as a residential area and then the bottom level which houses places of business. The City Temple The group arrives at the City Temple, on the North edge of Estra. The building sparkles in the sun, the domes on it's top covered in gold-leaf, with various veiled attendants and masked guards populating the grounds. As the Goddess enters the ivory gates, everybody stops and kneels for her and the Guardians are ushered into a formation behind her. The Goddess smiles serenely, gestures for the people to stand up and continues on with her Deer attendants. Both the Wolf and Crow attendants stay behind with the Guardians. They gang is shown to their new rooms, located in the main temple and close to the Goddess, should she need you at night, in which case she will contact them through a bell connected to their rooms. Fran makes a comment about the Goddess being a little stand off-ish and both Corbin and Laika are affronted. Fran continues to make a comment about the fact that she hasn't said a word to them and one of the attendants reveals that this incarnation of the Goddess has simply never spoken. The attendant goes onto to say that her muteness is believed to be the result of the hasty nature of her last reincarnation, and they reassure the Guardians that she is still the same Goddess that Estra has been beholden to for thousands of years. They also the the Guardians that the Goddess can write things down, although she often has trouble communicating her thought, and that the two Deer attendants have a way of communicating with her through sign language, although no one else is allowed to know it. When the Guardians point out that its kind of suspicious that they have to be assured that she is the same Goddess, the attendant tells them that amoungst the citizens of Estra, there are concerns that the current body does not hold the spirit of the Goddess. However, there have been tests conducted and her divinity has proven pure. The attendant then informs them that they are free to explore the grounds, but the Goddess will be busy in prayer for the rest of the day. Tomorrow the Guardians have been aranges to escort her during preparations for the Festival of Lights, which will be held and the end of the week. Laika asks for snacks and the episode ends. A Message to Chantel '''Kat: '''Chantel... If you're listening... the code word is... Solo. '''Noel: '''Chantel I love you so much and everyday I go to sleep and I have a picture of you on the other pillow. '''Kat: '''That's a little weird. '''Sophia: '''I also have a picture of Chantel. '''Kaitlin: '''My bed sheets and my duvet cover are a collage of pictures of Chantel. '''Kat: '''Am I the only one who doesn't have pictures of Chantel when they sleep? '''Kaitlin: '''I'll get you one. Featured Characters The Guardians *Fran *Laika *Corbin NPCs *Direrats (2) *Lemure *Big Centipede *Arrowhawk *Deer Attendant #1 *The Goddess *Buddy *Demorah *Bae *Deer Attendant #2 *Wolf Attendant *Crow Attendant Category:Episodes Category:Arc 1: Festival of Lights